


|3!7(|-|

by QueenBoudicatheGreat



Series: Tony Stark's Daycare Program for Gifted Children [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Gen, This is gonna be so dated because of the memes soon, ask me if i care
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-15 08:00:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15408543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenBoudicatheGreat/pseuds/QueenBoudicatheGreat
Summary: A look into the Iron Kids group chat between Harley, Peter, and Riri.





	|3!7(|-|

**Author's Note:**

> Hmmmm.... been working on this for a month and change. Was it worth the wait? Well, that's up to you.
> 
> Side note, if you need a translation for Harley's gibberish, it's at the bottom.

**Spider-Son: @Son Prime** Mr. Stark totally just admitted that Riri was his favorite.

 

**Son Prime:** wut???? thts blsht >:((((

 

**Spider-Son changed their name to Pun-Son**

 

**Pun-Son:** IKR? 

 

**Dad’s Favorite:** HA! I fucking told you

 

**Son Prime:** fuk off riri

 

**Pun-Son:** Ya, this is a private conversation.

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Y’all are the dumbasses having a “private conversation” in the group chat

 

**Pun-Son:** Shit 

Really? 

I thought @ing him would make it private.

Oops

 

**Son Prime:** pete i lov n rspct u but ur a fukn dumbass

 

**Dad's Favorite:** This is why dad loves me most

 

**Pun-Son:** ;’((((

Whatever. 

Anyway 

So,,,,

The rest of the team knows you guys exist now.

 

**Son Prime:** shiiiiiiiiiiiit

 

**Dad's Favorite:** What happened? 

Is everyone okay?

Are you okay?

Is Tony okay?

 

**Pun-Son:** Ya, everyone's fine, dw. 

 

**Son Prime:** thn wut hpnd????

 

**Pun-Son:** IDK??? 

Like 

Mr. Stark just said I did a good job 

And then fucking Captain America was like

“Hey, everybody it's Peter Parker!” 

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Damn. So now they all know?

 

**Son Prime:** thats ruf buddy

 

**Pun-Son:** Nah, it's fine. 

I panicked and then said that Mr. Stark had lots of kids

And that Peter and Spider-Man were totally different kids.

 

**Son Prime:** wow. cnt blev u managed 2 lie 2 captain america 

i figd he cld smell lies

or that u would spontaneously combust if u tried

tht was specific 2 u btw

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Has anyone ever told you you're a dick?

 

**Son Prime:** not 2 my face but thts what i assume theyre saying wen they dub chek tht mr tony isnt my real dad. 

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Not a bad assumption ngl

 

**Pun-Son:** Also, point of order, didn't lie

I just,,,,,,,

Implied.

Heavily. 

To the point of lying.

But didn't cross that line. 

 

**Son Prime:** wow pete ur a saint

 

**Dad's Favorite:** They bought it? Just like that?

 

**Pun-Son:** TBH they were way more interested in the group chat.

Like, they legit forgot they were trying to figure out who Spider-Man is.  

I told Cap your usernames.

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Well I'm glad the team knows the truth now

 

**Son Prime:** wut? abt mr tony runin a daycare?

 

**Dad's Favorite:** No about me being his favorite

 

***_*_*_*_***

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Hey guys??? College fucking blows. I'm gonna murder whoever came up with it

 

**Son Prime:** sup riri?

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Literally just told you. College blows

 

**The Live-in:** *break dances gently*

What's wrong, Riri?

 

**Son Prime:** atm u if i had 2 ges 

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Mostly that you're trying to comfort me via meme.

SHIT

Beat me to it

 

**Son Prime:** :p 

 

**The Live-in:** You guys are the worst.

 

**Dad's Favorite:** You're the one who decided to be the middle child

 

**The Live-in:** WTF, no, I didn't??

Also, Harley is literally less than 4 months older than me.

 

**Son Prime:** god pete ur practically an infant cmpared to me

 

**The Live-in:** -_______- 

Can we go back to talking about Riri’s problems now?

Please?

For the love of science.

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Nah I'm good actually. Roasting you is way more interesting 

 

**The Live-in:** THE W O R S T

 

**Son Prime:** srsly tho. u ok riri?

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Yeah I'm fine. Just got assigned a group project 

 

**The Live-in:** Was it at least a class you have a friend in?

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Peter literally everyone in that class is 7+ years older than me. If I had friends do you think I'd talk to you two?

 

**The Live-in:** Yes

Because you love us.

You've said so.

 

**Son Prime:** hes got a point

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Lies and slander

 

**The Live-in:** Seriously, though. 

Are you good?

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Yeah. It's not like they're actively mean to me or anything. It just sucks not having friends

 

**Son Prime:** tell us if they start bn dicks. pete n i will kick thr asses. we r still ur big bros

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Yeah I know <3

God I can’t wait until you two are finally here and I actually have someone to talk to for once.

 

**The Live-in:** Yeah!!!!

We should get an apartment.

And a dog.

A secret dog.

 

**Dad’s Favorite:** Why is the dog secret???

 

**The Live-in:** Because I can’t have a dog at my apartment.

And your mom is allergic to dogs.

And Harley’s little sister is scared of dogs.

So it would have to live with dad over the summer.

And he won’t let us get a dog if he knows ahead of time.

That’s why a secret dog.

 

**Dad’s Favorite:** Hell yes secret dog.

 

**The Live-in:** I vote pitbull.

 

***_*_*_*_***

 

**Son Prime:** sum1 convinse me not 2 murder ths lady

 

**Peter PARKOUR:** ?????????

???????

?!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?

Harley, WTF you can't just say that and then not elaborate.

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Siding with Peter here. Who are you trying to murder Keener?

 

**Peter PARKOUR:** Dude.

Seriously??

Are you literally ignoring us right now?

HARLEY, YOU HAVE YOUR READ RECEIPTS ON!

 

**Son Prime:** Read: 3:23

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Harley I swear to god you're going in the nearest lake first time we meet

 

**Peter PARKOUR:** Wait.

Hold on a damn minute.

Are you telling me?

The two of you haven't actually met??

Like IRL???

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Yeah. I mean we Skype and text plenty but we've never been in the same room

 

**Peter PARKOUR:** That's wild??

I mean

I know the three of us haven't been together

But I figured you had met without me.

 

**Son Prime:** wait. wen did u 2 meet?

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Figures that's what gets his attention instead of murder

 

**Peter PARKOUR:** When I went to tour MIT?

Have you and Mr. Stark not gone yet?

 

**Son Prime:** nope

 

**Peter PARKOUR:** Why not??

 

**Son Prime:** i dunno. keep puttin it off

 

**Dad's Favorite:** I smell a lie. I don't know what it is but you better watch your back Harley. I will find out

 

**Son Prime:** ok baskin robin 

 

**Peter PARKOUR:** Can we get back to the murder?

I feel like we glossed over that.

 

**Son Prime:** no

 

**Dad's Favorite:** No point. Either they decided to leave Harley alone

 

**Peter PARKOUR:** Or??

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Or they're dead

 

**Son Prime:** & ull nvr kno

 

**Peter PARKOUR:** You two need to chill. 

And meet.

Seriously, we've been talking for a year 

And you two haven't even laid eyes on each other.

H O W?

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Let's start with the fact that we live like 20 hours away from each other?

 

**Peter PARKOUR:** I'm not even going to grace that with an answer.

Actually

I am

Mr. Stark has like a fleet of planes??

You could literally make a day trip out of it.

 

**Son Prime:** hes actually got a point…

 

**Peter PARKOUR:** I almost always have a point.

You two just ignore me.

Because you're assholes. 

 

**Dad's Favorite:** That's fair

 

***_*_*_*_***

 

**Dad's Favorite: @Son Prime** I saw this and thought of you

 

 

**Peter In The Middle:** WHAT 

THE 

FUCK 

IS THAT THING EVEN REAL??

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Lol yeah. Saw it at the thrift store

 

**Son Prime:** What I want to know is why the FUCK it reminded you of me.

 

**Peter In The Middle:** Oh damn.

He broke out the capitals and full words.

He's serious.

 

**Son Prime:** Actually it's just a new phone Mr. Tony sent me. Can't figure out how to turn off the damn autocorrect 

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Why is it that you 2 are geniuses but can't figure out how phones work half the time?

 

**Son Prime:** Excuse you this is 1 of those prototype StarkPhones that literally nobody knows how to use yet.

 

**Peter in the Middle:** Are you really never gonna let the group chat thing die?

 

**Dad's Favorite:** No

 

**Son Prime:** Absolutely not.

 

**Peter in the Middle:** It was one (1) time you assholes.

 

**Son Prime:** I feel like we’re forgetting about the horror show that somehow reminded Riri of me.

 

**Peter in the Middle:** I was.

Trying to, at least.

Thanks for the reminder.

 

**Dad’s Favorite:** I’m not forgetting. Ever

 

**Son Prime:** Explain???

 

**Dad’s Favorite:** Should I tho?

 

**Peter in the Middle:** Depends.

Do you want me to show Mr. Stark The Video?

 

**Dad’s Favorite:** You wouldn’t

 

**Peter in the Middle:** Try me, bitch.

 

**Son Prime:** Video????

 

**Dad’s Favorite:** Don’t worry about it

 

**Peter in the Middle:** I’ll send it to you later.

 

**Dad’s Favorite:** I hate you

 

**Peter in the Middle:** :D

Cow mug.

Now.

 

**Dad’s Favorite:** It says Tennessee on it.

 

**Peter in the Middle:** Wait.

That’s it?

No inside joke????

 

**Dad’s Favorite:** Nope

 

**Peter in the Middle:** What the fuck?

Now I feel dumb.

 

**Dad’s Favorite:** :))))))

 

**Son Prime:** |-|4 ! |=!6(_)|23|) !7 0(_)7

 

**Dad's Favorite:** What the fuck does that even say??

 

**Peter in the Middle:** Is that???

Even approaching English??

 

**Son Prime:** |\|0 !7$ |_337 

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Stop

 

**Son Prime:** |\/|4|{3 |\/|3

 

**Dad's Favorite has kicked Son Prime out of the Iron Kids group**

 

**Peter in the Middle:** Harley is texting me

Saying to tell you to unblock him.

He has something important to say.

 

**Dad's Favorite has added Son Prime to the Iron Kids group**

 

**Son Prime:**

****

|3!7(|-|

 

**Dad's Favorite has kicked Son Prime out of the Iron Kids group**

 

**Peter in the Middle:** Fair and valid.

 

**Dad's Favorite has kicked Peter in the Middle out of the Iron Kids group**

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Finally I am free

 

***_*_*_*_***

 

**Son Prime:** guess who got his xseptns letter!!!!!!!!

 

**Dad’s Favorite:** Holy shit!!!! Harley that’s fucking amazing!!!!!!

 

**Potor Purkur:** Yessssssss!!!!

Dude, that’s amazing!!!!!!!!!!

Also????

How did you get yours early???

MIT letters aren’t supposed to go out for another week??

Did Mr. Stark pull strings?

BUT ALSO CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

**Son Prime:** na tony dnt do nythng

 

**Potor Purkur:** ???????????

 

**Son Prime:** xseptns snt 4 mit

 

**Dad’s Favorite:** Was it a backup or something?

 

**Son Prime:** or smthn

 

**Dad’s Favorite:** I swear this is worse than pulling teeth. Spill.

 

**Son Prime:** i nvr actuly applied 4 mit

 

**Dad’s Favorite:** So that’s the real reason you never came to visit. You weren’t just putting it off.

 

**Potor Purkur:** Did you ever even plan on going to MIT?

 

**Son Prime:** hell no. ive had ths place n mind since middle school

 

**Potor Purkur:** Well?

What is it?

Come on, dude.

 

**Son Prime:** u hv 2 prms not 2 tell mr tony

 

**Dad’s Favorite:** Sure. 

 

**Son Prime:** com on **@Potor Purkur** u gotta prms

 

**Potor Purkur:** I promise.

Well, I promise to try.

I’m kind bad at secrets, actually.

But so long as he doesn’t ask 

I’m fine. 

I promise.

 

**Son Prime:** how do u evn hv a scret id @ ths point

 

**Potor Purkur:** Honestly??

No idea.

All of Queens should know by now TBH

But

That has literally nothing to do with your college.

 

**Dad’s Favorite:** Yeah cmon Harls. Spill.

 

**Son Prime:** I’m totally serious right now. Don’t tell Mr. Tony. I want  to tell him myself.

 

**Potor Purkur:** Promise.

 

**Dad’s Favorite:** On my life.

 

**Son Prime:** ok hr it goz. 

im goin to caltech

guys?

its bn lik 5 min. wts up

 

**Potor Purkur:** Holy sHIT

Are you serious??

 

**Dad’s Favorite:** You men caltech as in the school in Pasadena California? MIT’s biggest rival since ever? The school Tony loudly talks about how much he hates? THAT caltech?

 

**Son Prime:** …

…

…

yes

 

**Potor Purkur:** Holy shit.

 

***_*_*_*_***

 

**Spider-Son:** Hey, guys?

I think dad might have accidentally,,,,,,,, 

Built a murder bot.

Again.

 

**Dad's Favorite:** W H A T

 

**Son Prime:** u ok? r u fiting it???

 

**Spider-Son:** No.

No, you see,,,,

The murder bot,,,,,,,

Is actually,,,,,,,,,,,

Karen.

 

**Dad's Favorite:** …

 

**Son Prime:** ..............

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Explain

 

**Spider-Son:** Well.

You know how my suit has an Instant Kill Mode?

And Karen keeps trying to make me use it?

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Yeah??

 

**Son Prime:** i dnt thnk tht counts as “accidentally"

jst irresponsible

 

**Spider-Son:** That's what I thought too.

But we're in the jet.

Headed for the mission.

And I joke that I should use IKM.

And Mr. Stark freaks out.

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Why???

 

**Spider-Son:** Here's the thing. 

Mr. Stark.

Didn't make an Instant Kill Mode.

Karen did that.

By herself.

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Holy shit

 

**Son Prime:** dude wut the FUCK

 

**Spider-Son:** I K N O W

 

**Son Prime:** uve befriended her at least. hopfully she remains loyal during the robo revolution. 

 

**Spider-Son:** Karen says hi BTW.

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Fantastic. Maybe she'll spare us as well 

 

**Spider-Son:** Karen says, and I quote, “I don't know about that.”

 

**Son Prime:** /sweats/

 

**Dad's Favorite:** I'm not even sure how I feel about this tbh

On the one hand: possibly evil robot

On the other: if she's joking this is some seriously cool coding

 

**Son Prime:** i have xactly 0 mixed feelings. murder bot bad 

 

**Spider-Son:** Mr. Stark offered to change her code when we got back.

 

**Son Prime:** thk god 

 

**Spider-Son:** I said no.

 

**Son Prime:** W H Y

 

**Spider-Son:** Because I love Karen just the way she is.

And she loves me.

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Okay, I've decided. That is a seriously cool ai

 

**Son Prime:** a srsly cool ai thts gonna kill us all

 

**Spider-Son:** Karen promises to spare you.

If you buy me a milkshake.

 

**Son Prime:** i cnt bleve my terminator trauma is being taken advantage of by a murder bot.

 

**Spider-Son:** :P

 

**Dad's Favorite:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

**Spider-Son:** Oh my God

You actually sent me money for a milkshake.

Nice.

I'm getting strawberry.

 

**Son Prime:** fuk u

 

***_*_*_*_***

 

**Son Prime: @Dad's Favorite** wut r u doin n june

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Probably nothing? Idk I might take an online class. Mostly just hanging out at home

 

**Son Prime:** so u dnt hav ny plans 4 vacay or nythng

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Not that I know of??

 

**Son Prime:** wuts the prob tht u could get ur mom to let you go smwher 4 the month

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Depends?? 

What's with all the leading questions?

 

**Son Prime:** bcuz i just told my mom tht mr tony nvitd the 3 of us 2 stay at the compound in june

 

**Dad's Favorite:** He did?? Why didn't he say anything??

 

**Son Prime:** bcuz he dnt ask. im the 1 plan plannin it

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Harley what the actual fuck. Have you even asked Tony? 

 

**Son Prime:** no thts peters job

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Wait Peter's in on it too? How long have you two been planning this?

 

**Son Prime:** bout 20 mins. & pete dsnt no yet

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Again wtf. Why don't you do it?

 

**Son Prime:** hv u SEEN peters puppy dog eyes

speakin of

**@The Live-in** nswer ur phone

**@The Live-in**

**@The Live-in**

**@The Live-in**

 

**Dad's Favorite: @The Live-in**

**@The Live-in**

**@The Live-in**

 

**Son Prime: @The Live-in**

**@The Live-in**

**@The Live-in**

**@The Live-in**

 

**The Live-in:** Jesus Christ.

You two are awful.

I was in chemistry. 

Don't you two ever go to class?

 

**Son Prime:** y bother

 

**Dad's Favorite:** I do but I know how to text in class

 

**The Live-in:** Like I said.

Awful.

 

**Son Prime:** wtevr. cn u do it or no?

 

**The Live-in:** What exactly am I even doing?

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Pretty sure you're convincing dad to let the 3 of us stay at the compound over June. 

 

**The Live-in:** Oh.

Yeah.

That shouldn't be hard. 

Like at all. 

He's about to pick me up from school. 

I'll ask in just a sec.

 

**Son Prime:** c? told u it wld b ez 

 

**The Live-in:** HE SAID YES

Well, he said yes so long as we can get our moms/aunt to agree.

BUT STILL

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Holy shit!! 

 

**The Live-in:** I KNOW!!

 

**Son Prime:** wer gonna get n2 so much bullshit.

 

**The Live-in:** B]

 

**Dad's Favorite:** B]

 

**Son Prime:** B]

 

***_*_*_*_***

  
  


**Spider-Son:** Guys, I may not come back from this mission alive.

Tell Ned I’ve always had a crush on him

Wait.

Shit.

That was just supposed to sound dumb and dramatic.

Not like something to actually worry about.

I’ll be fine.

Mr. Stark won’t let me go on the super dangerous missions.

 

**Son Prime:** i swr 2 fuk im gonna kill u parker

 

**Dad’s Favorite:** Yeah maybe that wasn’t exactly the best way to start that off.

Also if Ned doesn’t already know you’re madly in love with him then there’s no hope for either of you.

 

**Spider-Son:** #rude

One day I’ll get Ned to fall in love with me.

Then you’ll be sorry.

 

**Dad’s Favorite:** Oh honey

 

**Son Prime:** stop w/ petes crush. i wnna no y he thnks hes gonna die

 

**Spider-Son:** H I M

 

**Dad’s Favorite:** Christ what’s Rogers done now?

 

**Spider-Son:** He’s just doing That Thing again.

The one where he calls me kid and son.

I h a t e it, and IDK how to make him stop

 

**Dad's Favorite:** /Hamilton voice/ I'm not your son

 

**Son Prime:** congrats on not str8 up murdering him yet

 

**Spider-Son:** God he’s just so??

I don't know what, but I hate it.

I swear to God if he benches me again this mission I'm going to strangle him with his star-spangled tights.

 

**Dad's Favorite:** You gonna beat him upside the head until he sees…

Stars?

 

**Spider-Son:** I HATE YOU!!

I WAS TRYING TO BE MAD

AND NOW I'M GIGGLING!

NOBODY TAKES ME SERIOUS WHEN I GIGGLE!!

 

**Son Prime:** nbdy takes u srsly eir

 

**Spider-Son:** Fuck off, Keener.

 

**Son Prime:** ;P

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Hey Peter quick question tho?

 

**Spider-Son:** Quick answer. 

 

**Dad's Favorite:** If you hate Rogers why don't you just not talk to him? Why do you act all polite to his face? Just tell him to fuck off and leave you alone?

 

**Spider-Son:** I wish it was that easy.

I mean

It could be

But it isn't.

I have to be polite because we're on the same team. 

We're supposed to work together.

I started off kinda rude to him, but Mr. Stark fussed at me. 

Apparently what we're doing is bigger than petty squabbles. 

 

**Son Prime:** uhhh ths is def mr thn a petty squabble tho? mr t wtf

 

**Dad's Favorite:** What are you even saying to me right now?? Is dad not mad?

 

**Spider-Son:** NoPE.

He just goes along with whatever He says. 

Right now Mr. Stark is flying the jet.

Even though it has autopilot. 

So I'm left alone back here with Him. 

The only other person we brought was Ant-Man and he's asleep so it's just the two of us making conversation. 

I hate it.

I'm dying.

Also

I think he doesn't like me looking at my phone so much. 

DEAL WITH IT OLD MAN

 

**Son Prime:** u rly do snd lik ur bout 2 die. rip n pieces pete

 

**Dad's Favorite:** I'm SO glad Tony hasn't cleared me for missions yet. 

 

**Spider-Son:** I wish you were.

I need someone to hang out with on these. 

Speaking of which.

I'm gonna go ask dad if he'll try to teach me to fly again.

Last time…

Did Not Go Well

Also kinda wanna make Him sick again.

It was funny last time. 

If he says no the at least I'll have some time alone.

Anyway I'm out.

Talk to you after we kicked ass!

 

**Dad's Favorite:** Take a better selfie this time. Lighting was garbage in the last one. 

 

**Son Prime:** brng me a robos arm 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> If you didn't need Harley's nonsense translated, I'm impressed. If you did, here you go. He's speaking leet for anyone interested.
> 
> |-|4 ! |=!6(_)|23|) !7 0(_)7 ~ Ha! I figured it out
> 
> |\|0 !7$ |_337 ~ No it's leet
> 
> |\/|4|{3 |\/|3 ~ Make me
> 
> |3!7(|-| ~ Bitch


End file.
